Everybody's a Monster on Earth
by jamesandlilypotter81
Summary: If Raven feels an ironic surge of gratitude towards the girl who killed Finn, she doesn't acknowledge it. Everyone has been so helpful because of her damn leg, but here's Finn's murderer, treating her as normally as she's ever done—asking if she wants the stitches out, but not if she needs help getting up.


**So, I know that after Wednesday's episode, this will be completely and totally AU, but oh well. Hope you like it! **

Raven has always dealt in facts. She is the best zero gravity mechanic in 52 years. She is capable of creating a radio out of a toy car. On the ground, right and wrong are mixed up and jumbled, but her people are always right, and the Grounders are always wrong. She knows what Clarke will do in any circumstance.

Except, of course, in the one circumstance that matters.

She watches Clarke enter Camp Jaha, no knife in her hand, but covered in the blood of the man they both loved (because despite what Clarke says, Raven can see the love she has—had—for Finn). And for the first time, Raven is torn. Because, rationally, she understands that through her actions, Clarke has saved them all. That she spared Finn a grotesque and painful death. But, irrationally, Raven feels that through her actions, Clarke has proved herself to be nothing more than a murderer. That Clarke is a monster just like the rest of the privileged.

And Raven hates her (but also loves her, but the two emotions don't mesh well, and hatred and anger is far easier than love and forgiveness).

So as Clarke passes by her, she stills, and perhaps Bellamy senses that this is the eye of the storm, because he grabs her once more, holding her back. So Raven does the only thing she can: she spits at Clarke, actually managing to get her face.

"Murderer!" she yells, and the rest of Camp Jaha, after a tense pause, join in, tossing out their own damning words.

"Grounder!"

"Psychopath!"

"Freak!"

_"Monster!"_

Surprisingly, it is the last one that elicits a reaction out of Clarke, if the sudden twitch of a single finger can be considered a reaction. But Raven knows Clarke, knows her far better than she'd like to admit and she knows that smallest of reactions is the biggest of tells.

(And if the part of her that knows Clarke whispers that Clarke loved Finn, that she saved him, Raven steadfastly ignores it).

"You're a monster, Clarke! A monster!" Bellamy shoves Raven back, his comforting words from earlier replaced by a dark look. "Yeah, defend her all you like, Blake. But you'll end up in the same place as Finn. With Clarke stabbing you in the back!" The crowd roars their assent, disgust written all over their faces. But Bellamy's patience has run out, and he turns to stand in front of Clarke, using his body as a shield.

"You're all filthy hypocrites," he shouts, his eyes narrowed. "She saved all your cowardly skins, and she saved Finn. What can you say you did? Didn't try _too_ hard to throw him to the Grounders?" Bellamy looks at Raven, shaking his head with what looks like disappointment. Raven isn't quite sure because she's far too busy watching Clarke, noticing the makeshift medic's trembling hands and stony expression. Somehow the contradiction makes sense, at least, on Clarke. "As for you, Raven, grow the hell up." Then, without looking back, without bothering to acknowledge Abby and Kane's calls to 'talk,' Bellamy grabs Clarke's elbow and leads her gently away.

Raven lets out a mirthless snort; because of course he'd be her knight, her guardian. It had been stupid to expect anyone to object to the damn princess.

xxx

Despite Bellamy's threats and dark looks and Abby's "we've all done things to survive" speech, the hissed taunts continue.

Raven watches Clarke from afar, noticing how her expression never changes, how she takes the insults with poise and silence. But Raven knows Clarke, and she can tell that it's wearing her down, that it's hurting more than she shows. So she continues to watch as Clarke's edges begin to fray, waiting for the moment that she falls apart.

It's why she finds it slightly ironic when it isn't Clarke who falls apart, but her.

It's nearly two weeks after Finn is killed when it happens. Bellamy and Clarke are having dinner together, communicating in the way only they can, with glances and the tiniest of gestures, when one of the older men from the Ark passes by and loudly says, "Killer." Clarke's fingers twitch, and her lips are pursed, but she otherwise doesn't react except to still Bellamy with the slightest shake of her head.

And just like that, a dam bursts. Because it's not right that Clarke can shoulder more and more without flinching. It hurt Raven to merely watch Clarke deal with the Ark survivors, so why doesn't it hurt Clarke to be the one who is forced to deal? What is so screwed up in her DNA that she is unable to feel things like a normal human being? Why is it that she doesn't feel the pain Raven is forced to endure every second of the day?

As the waters clear, Raven feels the sudden urge to go forward, to be a friend to the girl she once thought she could trust with her life—with the life of the boy she loved. Somewhere deep in her heart, Raven feels guilty over Clarke's pain, because though she killed Finn, there is peace with the Grounders. Their people in Mount Weather will be saved. But despite the increasing feelings of guilt, Raven is motionless, choosing to watch as Octavia pulls up a chair and sits with Clarke and Bellamy, shaking her head and saying something that makes Bellamy laugh and even causes Clarke's lips to twitch. The urge to be a friend disappears because it's obvious that Clarke has already got two.

(And if that part of her that knows Clarke insists that the blonde needs as many friends as she can get, that killing someone you love isn't something you can get over at the drop of a hat, Raven steadfastly ignores it. Because _she_ loved Finn, and Clarke took him away from her).

So Raven stops caring that no one has seen Clarke smile in two weeks, that Abby had a whispered conversation with Kane about how Clarke isn't eating or sleeping, because you're not supposed to care about the friend who killed the boy you loved.

xxx

When she accidentally cuts her arm against a jagged piece of metal sticking out of what remains of the Ark, they send her to Clarke.

"Abby's in surgery," Wick says tiredly for the fourth time as Raven objects to Clarke doing her stitches. "Get stitches or die of blood loss. Your choice, mechanic." So Raven wraps the bloody cloth around her arm even tighter and shuffles to the medical bay, glaring at Clarke.

"I need stitches. Can you do that without killing me too?" To her credit, Clarke doesn't even seem vaguely upset. She nods and grabs a needle and thread before gesturing for Raven to hold out her arm.

She makes quick work of the stitches, her face blank, and when it's done, she turns around.

"Keep it clean. You can get it removed in ten days."

"How do you live with yourself?" Raven suddenly says, speaking despite her fervent promises to herself that she'd ignore Clarke as steadily as she had the past several weeks. Surprisingly, Clarke turns around, and Raven sees the pursed lips and twitching fingers, but most importantly, the trail of a tear down her cheek.

"I don't," she answers simply, and then begins to clean up, a clear sign that the conversation is over. And though there's a vindictive part of her that doesn't want to let it go—that wants to prod at Clarke's obvious open wound—she doesn't say anything more. Because for the first time since Clarke killed Finn, Raven doesn't feel the need to see her in pain.

(And if the part of her that knows Clarke is shouting for her to do something, because this is the first time Clarke's shown any sort of vulnerability and it's time to let the anger and hatred go, Raven steadfastly ignores it. Because she might not want to see the blonde in pain, but she sure as hell isn't willing to relieve her of the pain either).

So she leaves, and doesn't breathe a word about the sobs she can hear as she walks away.

xxx

The only two Grounders they open up the gate for, no questions asked, are Lincoln and Lexa. Lincoln only ever visits Camp Jaha to see Octavia and continue to have his condition monitored, and Lexa only ever comes to the camp to speak with Clarke—"She is the only Sky Person even slightly trustworthy," Lexa has said on multiple occasions, which is a load of crap because when Raven put her trust in Clarke, she ended up getting burned—so Raven doesn't pay attention to the opening and closing of the gate anymore.

She regrets that when she's stuck in the medical bay, eavesdropping on Octavia and Lincoln's conversation.

It's not done intentionally. Ten days have passed, and she's supposed to find Clarke to remove her stitches, but she's feeling stubborn and wants to avoid any interaction with the blonde, so she sneaks into the medical bay the second Clarke steps out. Her leg is giving her trouble, and of course the scissors have been knocked onto the ground, forcing her to get on her hands and knees. She's so busy ignoring the pain and the uncomfortable position that she doesn't hear Lincoln and Octavia walk into the medical bay until they start talking.

"I'm telling you to leave it, Octavia," Lincoln is saying tiredly, like he's had this conversation several times already. "It's really none of our concern."

"He's my _brother_, of course it's my concern!" Raven rolls her eyes at Octavia's petulant tone, but grins once she gets her hands on the scissors. She lays back, breathing deeply and ignoring the shame that fills her—because it's _embarrassing _that something like this should be so difficult—glad that she's mostly hidden from view.

This embarrassing situation would get even worse if Octavia and Lincoln see her.

"I know what you think, and you know I agree with you," Lincoln says, his voice considerably gentler, which makes Raven idly wonder where this version of the Grounder has been hiding all this time. "But it's not something you can force. Let it go. Your brother is smart enough. He'll figure it out." They're silent for so long after that, that Raven is sure they've gone, but then Octavia breaks the silence with a loud sigh.

"My brother is an idiot. He's too blind to see he likes her." Raven frowns, the conversation piquing her interest for the first time. She desperately wants to know who it is that Bellamy Blake has feelings for, and she starts to pray that Lincoln and Octavia continue to argue.

"Octavia," Lincoln begins, and Raven feels an ironic surge of gratitude towards the man who stabbed Finn, but all her hopes are dashed when he's interrupted.

"Lincoln, there you are. My mom is stuck with some idiot who thought it'd be okay to touch the fence. She says you're off the hook today, but she'll see you tomorrow." Raven curses, somehow sure that the universe is out to get her, because of all the people to interrupt a conversation she wants to listen to, it _would_ be Clarke.

"You know, Clarke, we were just talking about you," Octavia says with a laugh, and Raven wants to kiss her. In fact, she's so glad that Octavia spoke up that she misses whatever Clarke says in response before she hears them leave. Letting out a groan, Raven sits up with the scissors still in her hand, debating whether she should ask Wick to take out the stitches or if she should just do it herself.

"You might want to disinfect that." Raven practically jumps at the sound of Clarke's voice.

"I thought you left," she says, only keeping calm because, though Clarke found her in such a compromising position and clearly knows that she's been eavesdropping, there's not a trace of amusement on her face—not even the slightest indication that she intends to use this against Raven.

"Do you want me to remove the stitches?" Clarke continues, and if Raven feels an ironic surge of gratitude towards the girl who killed Finn, she doesn't acknowledge it. Everyone has been so _helpful_ because of her damn leg, but here's Finn's murderer, treating her as normally as she's ever done—asking if she wants the stitches out, but not if she needs help getting up.

"Yeah," she mutters. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

(And if the part of her that knows Clarke is using this exchange as proof that Clarke knows her pretty well too, Raven steadfastly ignores it. Because that was never really in question).

xxx

When she sneaks into Bellamy's tent, he's awake, pouring over the maps he and Clarke have been making.

"Hey, Reyes," he says without looking up. "You here to help with the battle plan?" She shuffles forward and sits down next to him, studying the 'battle plan.'

"I've already told you what I think," she says after a minute. Bellamy looks at her and lets out a sigh.

"Right. That since this is Clarke's plan, we shouldn't trust it?" She ignores the warning written all over his face and nods.

"You just can't—"

"I'm not going to listen to this again, Raven," he interrupts, glaring at her. "I know how you feel, and I'm sorry about Finn. But she did the right thing. And you know it." She doesn't know why she does it—it's not even why she came here in the first place—but she grabs Bellamy by the shirt and pulls him down, pressing her lips to his.

Unsurprisingly, it's not even a second later that he gently pushes her back and pries her fingers off his shirt.

"You torture yourself enough on your own, Reyes," he says, a sad smile on his face. "I'm not going to add to that."

"I thought you weren't the nice guy," she snaps. "What happened to that?" Bellamy smiles for real and shrugs.

"Someone told me that I was good. So I'll pretend, for her sake." Raven blinks, and she remembers why she's here, why she wanted so desperately to see Bellamy. But she now realizes that he's too far gone. She could give him a million warnings about Clarke and how everyone who cares about her ends up dead, but it wouldn't make a difference. The idiot's already gone and fallen in love.

"You're such an idiot, Blake," Raven says. He looks confused, and though Raven wants to tell him to stay away from Clarke, she finds she doesn't have the heart. "You're not pretending." His smile widens and he looks relatively relieved, clearly glad she didn't go on another rant about Clarke. She gets to her feet—ignoring the hand Bellamy holds out in case she needs help—and is about to leave when he speaks up.

"She misses you, Raven. She doesn't have many friends."

"She has you and Octavia. Hell, she has Lincoln, too. And the damn commander." Bellamy shakes his head.

"Yeah, but she needs _you_. She won't even think about forgiving herself until she's sure that you can forgive her." Raven stills, suddenly torn. Because she knows Clarke, knows how the carefully controlled expressions mask everything she's feeling, and Raven wonders if Clarke has managed to mask just how much pain she's really in.

(And if the part of her that knows Clarke is shaking its head and silently agreeing with Bellamy, Raven steadfastly ignores it. Because no matter how much pain Clarke is in, it's not nearly enough).

"I don't forgive her. I won't. She killed him, Bellamy."

"She saved him," Bellamy says, turning away from her. "You just need to accept it." Raven doesn't respond, she just leaves his tent, angry that everyone seems to think Clarke needs a friend while she's supposed to just accept that Finn was saved and not killed.

xxx

Apparently, she nearly died, and the relief that flows through her veins when she hears Clarke will be okay surprises Raven.

Several months have passed since Finn's death, and their people are finally safe. Mount Weather hadn't stood a chance against the combined forces of the Sky People and the Grounders. Days of celebrations and a more permanent peace treaty with the Grounders had led to a sense of safety.

After all that, who would've thought it would be a hunting accident that would finally bring Clarke to her knees?

Raven stands near the medical bay, attempting to look like she isn't listening to Abby's instructions, to the relief in her voice when Lincoln and Nyko agree to find certain herbs to help with coagulation and pain.

"We're not out of the woods, yet," Abby says, something wavering in her voice, "but she'll live. You heard me, Bellamy? She'll live."

"I'll go with them," Bellamy announces, his voice wavering too, and Raven realizes that it's fear. They're overwhelmed with fear, terrified that today is the day that they'll lose Clarke. And if that's true, Raven realizes, then Clarke's not out of the woods after all.

(And if that knowledge fills her with fear as well, Raven chooses not to dwell on it).

She enters the medical bay, noticing that only Bellamy remains. He's standing over Clarke, one hand grasping one of hers, anguish written all over his face. "I can't lose you, okay, Princess?" he says, leaning over and kissing her on the forehead. "Please, please stay alive. I'll be right back, I swear." He straightens and turns to leave when he notices her standing there. "Please, Raven," he says, though what he's begging for, she has no idea. But she nods anyway, biting her lip, and watches as he leaves, desperation coloring his every movement.

Letting out a sigh, Raven walks—limps, really, she hasn't walked in months—over to where Clarke lays, completely and utterly still. And that's what really gets her. It's not Clarke's terrifying paleness—she's clearly lost far too much blood, that much is obvious by the red that soaks her clothes—or even the ragged, unsteady breathing. It's the stillness. As long as she's known Clarke, she's never seen the girl remain still. She's always doing something—before, she was one of the 100's leaders, she was their only doctor, and now, she is always helping with something around Camp Jaha.

Clarke remaining still is as unnatural as a two headed deer.

Raven is searching Clarke's face—looking for what, she's not quite sure—when her eyes fly open, the blue a stark contrast to her white skin and the dried red blood.

"Raven?" she says, not her calm and collected self. She is clearly terrified, she is clearly in pain, and her eyes are brimming with unshed tears. "Raven, please." Raven knows what she's begging for—and suddenly, she can make sense of what Bellamy begged for—but she shakes her head.

"No," she says simply. Clarke closes her eyes briefly as she struggles a little to breathe, but then she's staring Raven down.

"Please. I deserve it." The tears have begun to stream, and Raven wants to tell her she's just making herself needlessly dehydrated, but Clarke doesn't give her the chance. "I'm a monster."

"So?" She ignores Clarke's wide eyes and beseeching look. "You're not special. On Earth, everybody's a monster."

"Raven—"

"Shut up, Clarke. We can't hurry up and save the world if you're dead. Stop wasting your damn energy."

"Okay," Clarke mumbles, her eyes closing as she passes out, and despite herself, Raven smiles.

(And if the part of her that knows Clarke is telling her that 'okay' is code for 'thank you,' Raven steadfastly ignores it. Because she already knows.)

xxx

It takes three weeks before Clarke is able to move around again. She moves slowly and barely gets anything done, but it's a welcome development, especially for Bellamy (and if people pretend not to notice just how ecstatic he is, well, he's been through a lot).

Unfortunately, despite her near death experience, despite everything she's done, the people of the Ark are persistent at best, and downright cruel at worst. Because the taunts and whispers haven't stopped, even after all this time, even after the one person who had any reason to truly be angry let it go three weeks ago. The only thing that has changed is that Clarke's lips don't thin and her fingers don't twitch anymore. She just sits there.

Raven doesn't know why she does it—because despite their 'moment,' she and Clarke still don't talk all that often, though Raven is far more friendly—but she finds that she just can't take it anymore. She's tired of watching Clarke not fight back, tired of seeing her in pain.

(And for the first time, Raven doesn't ignore the part of her that knows Clarke).

So she limps over to the man who's still hissing "murderer" and "killer" whenever he sees Clarke, who has refused to let things go, and threatens him with dismemberment if he ever says another word. And then, without bothering to let herself overthink it, Raven sits down next to Clarke and Bellamy, rolling her eyes as she does so.

"He was being an ass. I took care of it." Bellamy, who frequently complains about how Clarke begs him not to react, looks at Raven gratefully, but Clarke just seems confused.

"Why are you defending me? I killed him." Raven rolls her eyes again, hearing Clarke's tacit, _I'm sorry_.

"Stop being stupid." She doesn't need to say anything more, because she's sure Clarke knows what she really means: _You saved him. There's nothing to forgive. _So instead of speaking, Clarke just nods slowly, her eyes following Bellamy as he goes to "have a word with Monty," though when he goes and sits by himself several feet away, it's painfully obvious he's trying to give them a private moment.

Raven laughs, and after watching Clarke watch Bellamy for a whole minute, she finally has enough and breaks the silence. "Can you get it over with and just kiss him?" Clarke merely smiles in response, but it's one that touches her eyes.

(And the part of her that knows Clarke is screaming that it's only a matter of time).


End file.
